Important Nonsense

Every next level of your life will demand a different version of you.

I lifted this author-less retweet from a great leader, a woman I admire, and I can’t get it out of my head. Before discovering this, my inner critic was exerting herself in this unending mantra, “Seriously, what type of woman doesn’t know who she is at your age?  You should CLEARLY have a firm idea of who you are by now you loser.  You fraud.  You weirdo.  You fun but completely inept ENFP.  You nut job.”

Every next level of your life will demand a different version of you.

Could this be true?  Do we really all have different versions of ourselves, and am I now to believe, after SO long, that this is just completely okay and acceptable?  Can I just shove this right down my inner mean girl’s throat?  Can I silence her once and for all?  This is not easy to do.  She’s really, really mean.  She’s also very sneaky.  And, we’re good friends.  I mean, we’ve definitely had our falling outs, but we always make up and carry on.

The thing is, she heard it.  I didn’t need to shove it down her throat.  She swallowed it whole.  She drank the kool-aid.  She feels really bad about the things she said, and she promises to be much nicer from now on.  So, yeah, we’re friends again.

Every next level of your life will demand a different version of you.

I see evidence of it all around me — in me, in others, in Scripture, in wisdom quotes, in logic, everywhere.  And how, exactly, did I miss this?  How did I not have this in my arsenal, at the ready to diffuse and destroy, or at least redirect, my inner mean girl?  I have no idea.  Not a clue.  I read.  I introspect.  I study.  I pray.  I seek counsel.  I have long been aware that identity is a sore spot for me.  Yet, nothing.  No insight, no eureka moment until now.  That one little sentence.  I don’t know how I missed it, but that’s okay.  Really, it’s okay.

The point isn’t how I missed it.  My inner mean girl kinda wants to keep talking about that, but even she can’t muster up enough fuel to keep it going.  The point is actually THAT it’s true.  Or at least it’s possibly true.  So we hug it out and rejoice.  We rejoice because we’ve been through a lot and we really just need to be okay.  And we are.  If the only certain things in life are death and taxes, that means everything else changes.  If everything in life is changing, then we can too.  And that makes my heart want to sing and shout and smile and love and do ALL the things.  ALL the things.

And here’s the point on top of the point — as I embrace the changes both around me and in me, for better or for worse, I am also discovering that many things have taken root and stuck.  For all my changing, some stuff has become permanent.  Big stuff.  Deep stuff.  Silly stuff.  A lot of it can feel like nonsense sometimes.  But very important nonsense.  MY important nonsense.  I love my important nonsense, and I love YOUR important nonsense.

Me, my dog Dot, and my hat — NORTH is important nonsense.

So with ephiphany and acceptance in the driver’s seat, we walk during our first actual Spring-like day last week because that’s what you do when you survive yet another “are you kidding me” winter.  We walk — my dog, my inner critic, Jesus, and me.  55 degrees, sunshine, both feet and brain in rapid fire mode, we walk.  Loads and loads of important nonsense flood my mind and heart, and I give thanks for it all, especially for the lasting importance (even if it is nonsense) of PLACE.  PLACE is a special kind of important nonsense and will have to wait for another cloudy writing day.  This time of year, especially, if the sun is warm and shining, I just can’t even be inside.  Sunshine is important nonsense, too.

Every next level of your life will demand a different version of you.

As I change to meet the demands of each new season, I can see the markers God has placed in me.  They are the beautiful, important nonsense that sticks so I don’t forget where I’ve been, and I don’t forget who He is, so I can embrace how it makes me who I am…no matter how many versions there are.  And versions are okay.  It’s our new mantra.

May you find those markers in each of your seasons, and may you rise to the version of you that you are designed to be.

Til the clouds roll in again…





Who the (bleep) am I?

Seriously…who am I?  I really have no idea.  I mean, I do, but really I don’t.  You know?  No?  Well then this blog might not be for you.  Or maybe it is.  How would I know?

My name is Ellie, but it’s really Melissa.  I’m a brand new Grandma, but I’m also a middle-aged Mom to a teenager and adult children.  Well, I mean I’m middle-aged if I live to almost 100, but whatever.

I love Jesus but I didn’t always. I have spent my entire life trying to figure out who the heck I am, and I absolutely am not done yet.  I get really excited about a lot of things and am totally sincere about it.  I have a short attention span.  It’s a lot of fun, and my best guess is that this is either endearing or annoying.  I’m really okay either way.  I’m (finally) going to write about it.  ALL of it.